Say Crack Again...

Impossible things are happening every day. 

Time flies when you're having fun. And when you're aging. Every day, every minute, every second I'm getting older. No one likes to think about getting older--well kids do, but they don't count-- if you have the morbid sense, the older you get the closer you are to dying. Frankly, I don't think in that way. Getting older scares me because there is so much I want to do in life, and there just isn't enough time in the day to get it all done. I know what I want...mostly...and I have no problem trying to go after it.

Picture the life you'd like as completely as you can, only then will you be able to believe that it can happen. Visualization will help you get where you need to go. 

Visualization of the future is all well and good, but hey! it's a murky place of the unknown out there. Most of us, myself sometimes including, prefer the immediately less dangerous option of living in the moment. In the past I was without a doubt guilty of that offense. A friend of mine calls it the crackhead mentality. Crackheads live in the haze between fixes-- This is supposition, since I don't actually know anything about a crackhead's mentality, but it sounds right-- the high that takes away all past and future and leaves them only with the present.

If I came right out and told you, you had a crackhead mentality I'm sure you'd be pissed. That's not exactly a flattering comparison. And yet so many people live life with such a mentality. Instead of thinking things through and living life to the fullest, I'm finding that people turn a blind eye to certain aspects in the hopes that it will just go away. It's not sound logic, but as a preservation method I can definitely understand. Unfortunately, sometimes ignoring something that's wrong doesn't make it go away, and sometimes makes it much worse.

Example? Why, I thought you'd never ask.

On January 20 I was 1 week into rehearsals for the company's latest show. Frankly I find it hard to tell a story when there's is no story line to the show...but hey that's not my department. Anyway, we're in rehearsal and I'm being fierce. Going hard for the solo that I'd just created and I fell. Hard. I caught myself--somehow--and didn't bust my lip. At the time that was all that mattered. "Whew! So glad I didn't bust my face on this floor of wood covered concrete. A little wrist pain is nothing compared to a black eye and fat lip." So yes, I hurt my wrist that day, and I went on about my business. For 14 days in the following 3.5 weeks, I fell onto that wrist that I'd hurt. It was much safer than the original injury since that was unplanned, but still.

On February 28, 5.5 weeks after I fell, I went to the doctor.  I'd fractured my wrist. Any one of the times that I'd fallen on that injured wrist could have been the last. I could have permanently dislodged a part of my wrist. I was lucky. When I'd finally taken the time to address the issue my fracture was put in a cast to correct the injury and hopefully fix the healing process. It was annoying and I took it off early, but perhaps if I hadn't ignored it, it could have healed properly from the beginning.

I find that so many of us are living life in denial and don't even realize it. Do you have a crackhead mentality? If you have a problem and you hope that maybe, if you just ignore it, it will go away. Wrong! That is a cowards way of life. Living in the moment with no thought to how it will affect your future is a crackhead mentality!

Now, just to clarify, there is nothing wrong with spontaneity. I'm all for that. Carpe diem et. merda.  But we should hope to seize it in a manner that will be the fullest possible. Like the old Dodge commercials, Grab Life By the Horns and then hold on! 

I wish I could say that the way I live my life is good for everyone. But it's not. No matter how I wish I could make things easier on some, harder on others, or just infuse knowledge directly into your brain; life is led by each individual. If you choose to live with a crackhead mentality that's on you. Though from now on I'm living my life like it's golden.

Originally posted 3.26.11